The 4 Most Powerful Ways to Change Your Self Concept
Disclaimer: This blog post is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your healing journey. I am not a psychologist, therapist, or medical doctor. I do not offer any medical or professional advice. If you are suffering from mental illness, please seek help from a qualified health professional.
Hey friends, today I’m diving into the topic of self concept!
Self concept is the foundation of your entire life. It’s the lens in which you see everything else through. This is why if your self concept is wounded, you are probably suffering in several areas of your life.
In this blog post I will cover:
What is self concept?
Where does our original self concept come from?
Examples of self concept
Signs of a wounded self concept
4 Powerful tools to shift into a new, ideal self concept
What is self concept?
A person’s self concept is the combination of your dominating self image and your self esteem. It’s who you believe you are, what you’re capable of, and what you’re worthy of at your core. Your self concept runs deep in your psyche.
How you see yourself in society, with your family, at work, and around your friends is your self image.
The way you feel about your innate value, what you can offer, and what you're capable of is your self esteem or self worth.
If I were to ask you, “Who are you? What makes you you? Who do you see yourself as? How do you feel about yourself?” What would you say? The answer to these questions is your self concept.
Where does our original self concept come from?
Our self concept originates in childhood.
From birth, every sense, impression, emotion, and/or experience is stored in your subconscious mind and nervous system.
Our parents, our peers, our experiences, our siblings, our school system, our race, socioeconomic status, and the way our caregivers responded to life events all contributed to the deep ways in which we see ourselves.
These influences either gave you the confidence to take on new challenges, the ability to connect with others easily, and the self assurance to trust yourself.
Or, your childhood experiences may have kept you playing small, stuck in constant self blame and shame, chronic people pleasing habits, and leaving you wondering why stepping outside of our comfort zone feels so difficult.
Why is self concept so important?
Our self concept is the lens in which we view everything else in the world. It is the basis of who you are, and what you believe you’re capable of. If you want to change anything about your life, and I mean anything, begin by changing your self concept.
See the Levels of the Mind (or Levels of Change) image below, by Robert Dilts in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming).
You see, Identity is second from the top. This means that your identity will impact your beliefs and values, and your beliefs and values impact how capable you are, and your capability impacts your behaviors, and your behaviors will eventually change your environment or 3D reality.
NLP Logical Levels of the Mind, Robert Dilts
So, if you want your life to change, you must start at the top! Change your self concept (or identity) and watch the rest of your life change.
Example of self concept.
Remember, self concept precedes perspective and point of view. For example, if you see yourself as a broke person, you will be looking at every circumstance through a lens of….a broke person.
Let’s look at Tim for a moment.
Tim makes just enough to get by. He believes that no matter what he does, he will always be broke. He makes jokes about being broke and only hangs out with his broke friends.
As a result, Tim adopts a victim mindset and doesn't actively seek out opportunities to improve his financial situation. He may even turn down promotions or shy away from investing in himself because he doesn't believe it will make a difference.
Tim has dominant thoughts like:
“I could never afford anything here.”
“I wish I had money to buy things.”
“I never have enough money.”
“No matter what I do, I'll never have enough money to live comfortably.”
Due to these thoughts about his financial situation, he sets himself up for failure. He overspends, neglects saving opportunities, and avoids seeking higher-paying jobs because he doesn't think they're within reach. This causes him to find himself in a perpetual cycle of financial hardship.
In this way, his belief in his financial limitations becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, reinforcing his perception of himself as someone who is always broke.
Unfortunately, this is a common example. It could apply to weight loss, business success, dating, and more. Read below for some signs of a wounded self concept.
You may have a wounded self concept if…
You don’t feel good about yourself
You try and try and try but always end up in the same exact place
You are highly critical of yourself
Other people disrespect you a lot
Nothing is ever good enough. You always want MORE
You live in chronic frustration or excessive emotion
You are always trying to escape or move on to the next best thing
Notice that all of these hint at discontentment, frustration, and misery. These are all reenactments of the same experiences and feelings we had as children when our self concept was developing. Our childhood experiences became our subconscious brain wiring and nervous system default, which includes your self concept. When this happens to so many us, our lives become an endless cycle of one disappointing experience after the next.
Luckily, there is a way out.
First things first….self assess.
Before doing anything, you need to be really honest with yourself about your current self concept. Maybe have a journal close by. Take a deep breath and ask yourself this question:
What is standing in my way from being who I really am? Or who I really want to be?
Is it your health? Is it your living situation? Your job? Is it your friends? Your lifestyle, maybe?
What about your emotional state? Are you always angry? Broke? Unhappy? Complaining? Overwhelmed? Shut down?
No judgment here. Self awareness needs to be done as neutral observation, without any judgment.
Start here and begin to understand what is happening internally. When you know what’s going on underneath the surface, it will help guide you in some of the following exercises.
“Numerous experiments have shown that once the concept of self is changed, other things consistent with the new concept of self are accomplished easily and without strain”
I have 4 insanely powerful tips to permanently change your self concept, which will allow the rest of your life to drastically improve.
Repeat mantras as statements.
So many coaches recommend affirmations and mantras, which I agree with, but I don’t think they explain how to do them so they make a powerful impact. In order to say them in a way that has impact, you need to say the mantra as a clear, bold statement. Not in a haphazard tone with no emphasis behind it. A clear, bold statement sends a strong message to the subconscious mind.
With that being said, don’t take this step lightly. State your mantras like you really mean it. I mean, we’re doing this to create a big shift, right? So take it seriously. Maybe place your hand on your heart as you go through them for a deeper connection to yourself. Then, say them confidently.
Here are a few that hit hard for me:
“I am able to change.”
“I can be whoever I want.”
“I am deeply blessed, loved, and supported.”
“I radiate high vibrational energy.”
“I attract wonderful opportunities into my life.”
“I am wildly capable of being successful and wealthy.”
“I am magnetic AF to what I desire.”
“I am deeply confident in who I am.”
“I have deep trust in myself.”
“I radiate self respect and inner harmony.”
“I am regulated and safe.”
Check out more of my favorite mantras for deep, lasting change in my post, 13 Mantras to Change your Reality.
2. Visualization.
Visualization is how we become comfortable with our new self concept, faster. We start in the mind, and allow the subconscious shift to happen first. The more comfortable we are with our new way of being, the more we’ll begin to act that way in reality with ease.
You simply close your eyes (best done right before you fall asleep or first thing in the morning) and imagine your life as you wish to see it.
Imagine a scene that you wish to experience, or an event play out exactly how you wish to see it play out. In my experience, the more details you include and the slower you go, the better.
Visualizing this way will begin to expand your “area of possible” or “model of the world.” As mentioned previously, our childhood experiences created our current model of reality, or what’s possible for us, which was embedded into our self concept. When we visualize new, empowering images, we stretch our capacity for something greater.
3. Start seeing in others what you wish to see in yourself.
When you train your brain to look for something specific….you will find it! When you begin to train your brain to admire and appreciate certain qualities in other people, you’ll begin to naturally see the same in yourself. That’s simply how our brain works.
We have something called a Reticular Activating System (RAS), which is a group of nerves in our brain that tells our senses what to look for. This means, if you are intentional about looking for something (and it can be anything) your brain will be scanning every environment to find it. And guess what….it always finds what you’re looking for!
Read the book below for brain experiments to put your RAS to the test! Prepare to get your mind blown!
E Squared by Pam Grout
This tip is great if you are trying to release criticism and judgment against yourself. The more you can consciously think thoughts like the ones below, you’ll find yourself feeling differently about who you are.
“Wow, good for her for putting herself out there”
“I’m so impressed with how well she prioritizes rest.”
“How cool is it that she’s gotten so successful? She inspires me.”
These thoughts will soon begin to be your new way of seeing yourself, too.
4. Scripting
Scripting is one of my favorite ways to feel more like my ideal self in my ideal reality. In typical scripting, you write out exactly what you’d like to happen with gratitude. It could be a specific situation that you’re trying to manifest, or just a day in your ideal life.
In regard to changing your self concept, my favorite way to script is by using the prompt, “I’m just the kind of person who…” and let yourself go wild! You can hit all areas of your life including your job, relationship, friends, business, family, finances, feelings, health, etc.
See how you feel after doing this 21 days in a row. I bet you might start seeing yourself a little bit more like how you scripted!
Now, watch yourself (and your life) change with ease.
When you state your mantras confidently, stick to consistent visualization, adjust your thoughts toward others, and script out who you want to be, you’ll begin to notice yourself begin acting in a new way naturally. It becomes inevitable. Try out these 4 tips and you will be unrecognizable!
