How to Get Unstuck
Disclaimer: This blog post is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your healing journey. I am not a psychologist, therapist, or medical doctor. I do not offer any medical or professional advice. If you are suffering from mental illness, please seek help from a qualified health professional.
If you’ve ever felt stuck and stagnant in your life, I wrote this post for you.
Stuck in a boring job. Stuck in dysfunctional relationships. Stuck in feelings of low self worth. Stuck not losing weight. Stuck spending more money than we make.
I know the feeling of being stuck all too well. I’ve gone through so many cycles in my life of trying really hard to make a change and then inevitably failing by going back to my old, familiar ways.
And being stuck, sucks. It breeds powerlessness.
This post is inspired by the book How To Do the Work, by Dr. Nichole LePera (The Holistic Psychologist).
Her book goes deep into the science and research of why we are the way we are.
This includes why we can’t seem to get unstuck and how we got stuck in the first place.
After reading her book (and many others), along with lots of inner work, I’m proud to admit that I’ve finally been able to make permanent changes that I’d never been able to previously!
These were 3 areas of big struggle for me. Exercise, nutrition, and self confidence.
The 3 steps that I have listed below is exactly how I was able to achieve a consistent workout routine, eat only home cooked meals, and increase my feelings of self love to the point where I had little to no self doubt or criticism.
This work works and I’m excited to share it with you.
Believe that you can change.
Many people believe in fate. This is the belief that says we’re destined to live a life that is completely out of our control.
Fate says: Our circumstances are inevitable, and what is will always be.
I’ve also seen a lot of people identify with the struggle that they live with.
For most of my life, I believed that I was someone that was going to just have to live with anxiety forever.
It was a part of my genetic makeup. My environment would always breed anxiety. It was my personality—I was shy and sheepish. Constantly fawning for everyone else’s approval.
I believed my life would consist only of anxiety management and I’d be stuck in the yo-yo life of having anxiety, then down regulating, then having anxiety, then down regulating. Repeat.
I mean, how unmotivating is it to try to get rid of anxiety if you believe that you’ll always have it no matter what you do?
A pivotal moment in my recovery was when I came across a YouTube video. It was titled “How to Change Your Appearance.” I clicked on it and it had nothing to do with make-up or hair or outfits or anything related to beauty.
I was confused.
All this woman spoke about was your mindset and the Law of Attraction. How if you change your beliefs about yourself, your whole life will change. POOF. A lightbulb went off. I kept watching more and more of her videos. I was hooked. I had no idea I had the power to change my life.
Let alone, the power to change my life that wasn’t purely willpower.
I have a post on How to Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind and How to Manifest Anything if you want to learn more about the Law of Attraction specifically!
This was the end of July 2020, and if you read my post, How I Cured My Anxiety, you know that during this time I was still having chronic panic attacks, I was in a toxic living situation, I was making very little money, and I was absolutely miserable.
This spark of hope and motivation was a feeling that I so desperately needed at the time. It was a saving grace. It allowed me to believe that I could change. That I could heal.
Once I saw someone else doing it, it gave me hope to begin making small changes in my own life. Which leads me to my second point.
2. Make a small change.
Emphasis on the small.
Making too big of a change at once will probably overwhelm your nervous system, and you’ll most likely give up soon after starting. Our bodies and minds aren’t built to adapt to big, sudden changes.
This is why most people give up on their New Year’s resolutions by mid January. It feels too uncomfortable and unnatural to change so abruptly.
Which is why I recommend starting small. REALLY small.
There are a lot of little practices I recommend to maintain a healthy mental balance (see list below), but first I want to explain the whole point of why doing little things will create lasting change. And it all starts with understanding your brain.
Understanding the conscious mind vs. the subconscious mind
We all have two parts of our mind: a conscious and a subconscious. I’m going to tell you a little about the subconscious mind.
Our subconscious mind is our default state of being. It’s our natural response to situations. It’s our automatic feelings when certain circumstances arise. It’s everything that we do that’s involuntary. We all blink, and breathe, and are able to fall asleep, all thanks to our subconscious mind.
The subconscious mind is also our comfort zone. Any time we step outside of our comfort zone, our mind and body instantly reject it in the form of discomfort. It feels uncomfortable to change.
Even if it’s a good change, our natural response is to choose what’s familiar over what is best for us. This is exactly why it is so hard for most people (myself included) to make lasting changes. This is why many of us remain stuck.
It’s also important to note that anxiety stems from our subconscious mind. As does depression, anger, low self worth, insecurities, etc. These are involuntary defaults and responses that we’ve been conditioned to through life experiences.
So how do we stop being anxious, sad, angry, or insecure all the time?
We start by breaking our daily routine.
Hence: getting out of our comfort zone. Just slightly.
Making a small commitment to yourself to do something every day is training yourself to break out of your comfort zone.
It’s taking a small step toward who you want to be.
You want to know what mine was? I committed to eating my breakfast on my patio every morning. I worked mostly in the afternoon and evening, so instead of eating breakfast at my kitchen table, I sat outside. Even if I missed a day, I would pick up again the following day and return to my patio for breakfast.
Here are some more ideas that you may want to try:
(Hint: pick something that sounds the most enjoyable. Otherwise you won’t do it.)
(Hint 2: pick something that helps you relax and focus. This is to help regulate your nervous system–AKA, get your mind and body to feel calm and steady.)
(Hint 3: pick something that is healthy and leans toward your bigger goals. Please don’t leave this post committing to eating 6 donuts everyday for breakfast.)
Drink a glass of water before your coffee.
Listen to only fun, upbeat songs when you’re in the car.
Make your bed.
Listen to a guided meditation. (DM me for some of my favorites!)
Draw for 10 minutes.
Do 3 stretches or yoga poses before bed.
Floss.
Journal an affirmation you want to believe.
Free dance to one song every day.
Meditate for two minutes every day.
And do it until you don’t have to remind yourself to do it anymore.
Do it until it just becomes a part of your day and you forget about the time of your life that you weren’t doing it.
Choosing to make a small change in your life A, allows you to strengthen your “focus” muscle and B, helps you to relax and regulate your nervous system, and C, ignites and reclaims your power of choice.
Choosing your routine translates into stepping into your power. If you feel yourself start to become anxious, depressed, angry, etc, you can simply pause and go back to step 1 of believing in your power to change your life, followed by making small changes.
You might be someone, too, who could really benefit from carefully stepping out of your comfort zone.
And once you can do it without thinking about it, you can celebrate that your habit translated into your subconscious mind! Bingo!
3. Keep going!
This should really motivate you and prove to yourself that you can change. Cracking into your subconscious is powerful and exciting! Knowing that you can change your whole life from the inside out is incredibly empowering, and completely contradicts the “fate” myth. After you make your one small change, make another one! The more small, gradual commitments you make to yourself, the more you’ll feel like you. It’s the process of creating your life the way you want it to be, and less stuck you’ll feel in your current reality.
If this post was helpful and you want to know more, I highly recommend ordering a copy of How To Do the Work, by Dr. Nichole LePera, The Holistic Psychologist. This post was inspired by this book that I’m currently reading and I’m MIND BLOWN by how inspired and motivated I feel to do this mindset work.
