4 Uncommon Reasons Why You Might Be Stuck in Survival Mode
Disclaimer: This post should not be taken as medical advice. Please contact your healthcare provider for any specific health issues.
So maybe you’ve been trying to regulate your nervous system, good for you! You’ve tried breathing exercises and sunlight. You get movement in and quality sleep daily. Maybe you’ve even tried saunas, cold plunges, or EFT! But if you’re still experiencing extreme fluctuation, or are chronically in the fight/flight/freeze response, I have 4 possible reasons why this might still be happening.
First, here are some signs/symptoms you might be living in survival mode (or the fight/flight/freeze/fawn response):
Chronic exhaustion/fatigue
Irritable
Loss of motivation
Easily triggered
Hard to focus
Can’t “turn off your thoughts”
Emotionally numb
Everything overwhelms you
Fidgety
Remember, this post is only referencing to when these symptoms present themselves without a clear cause. When these symptoms are coming up daily with no obvious trigger, that’s when we want to look deeper within ourselves to why this could be happening.
Second, I see you. I want you to know that it does not have to be this way forever. Being stuck in survival mode is truly such a debilitating place to be and can feel so soul-sucking. I’ve been there myself many times. I’m proud of you for reading this article and I’m glad you’re searching for answers! Please, keep doing that. Keep going. I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You are not stuck.
You lack consistent, quality relationships.
One reason that many of us probably got into chronic survival responses in the first place was from not having the quality emotional support during a time that we really needed it. This alone will make the body feel very unsafe and unsupported. In this state, the defenses go up and over time, we end up in chronic survival mode.
Would you say that your friendships are one-sided? Are you often over-listening in conversations? Do your friends make plans with you, or are you always the one making plans? Do you feel like you can be your whole self in your partnership, or do you have to hide parts of yourself to be accepted?
If you answered yes to any of the questions above, you might be in need of better relationships with others. We all deserve equal, supportive, fun, and loving people in our lives. Period. When we’re around people that make us feel invisible, unimportant, dumb, or weird, our nervous system is getting the message, “I am NOT safe! Ready…set…shut down!”
Notice the other word in the header: consistent. Maybe your friends are there for you sometimes. Or when they feel like it. Or when it’s convenient for them. Or when you have good news to share. But you deserve friends that are there for 100% of the time, regardless of what you are going through!
You might be thinking, “Okay, but how do I just go and make new friends?!” Or, “I’m not going to just break up with my partner!?” Of course not, unless you feel like you need to. I would first try talking to them about how you’re feeling, or perhaps just creating some distance to see how your nervous system feels. And then, try to make some new friends! Get on Bumble BFF and see who you might meet there! Or, DM an old pal on Instagram and grab coffee. There are plenty of people out there that have the emotional capacity that you do. You might just need a little nudge to go find them.
2. You’re not living in alignment.
When’s the last time you got out of bed and were excited for your day? How often do you feel at ease and live in flow? I know some of you just rolled your eyes, especially knowing the nature of this post, but really, can you think of a time? Or are you just begrudgingly moving through your day like Groundhog’s Day without any spark to light you up?
Living in alignment means that you are living your life according to your core values, showing up as your best self, and embodying your truth. When we are in alignment, we naturally wake up with energy and move with flow throughout the day. In this state, our nervous system is regulated and in the parasympathetic state.
When we are out of alignment in some regard, it affects how we feel in our nervous system. That’s when symptoms of chronic fatigue or loss in motivation come up, and we may fall into over-sleeping, procrastination, or poor time management.
If this resonates with you, my suggestion to begin to shift this state is to ask you, what is something that lights you up? Or used to light you up? What’s a goal that you’ve abandoned that you could get back into? Or maybe, is it time for a new job? A new career goal? A new vacation that you can save up for? A business you want to start? Anything to light the fire within you again. It could be a combination of so many things, but I guarantee that something in your day-to-day routine is keeping you stuck in a spiral of non-excitement which is keeping your thoughts and nervous system in the same place they’ve been for a while.
When you think of your goal (tip, try to make it a 12-month goal so it’s not too overwhelming, but also not too easy) make a vision board! Google or YouTube how to make a vision board if you’ve never made one, and stick it on the wall in your bedroom so you see it when you wake up and when you go to bed. Also, journal about your new goal as well. This will help launch you into a new state of excitement and propel you out of the same chronic survival patterns you’ve been stuck in.
3. You’re under earning.
Something that keeps many people in a high state of stress and overwhelm is simply not making enough money to get by, or just barely making the cut. I don’t think it’s talked about enough, but it is a serious problem for so many people.
There was a time in my life where I was working 4 jobs and working 13 hour days and that pushed me into chronic survival mode even further.
This one may need some more intentional brainstorming because I don’t know your situation, but of course, I want you to live in a way where you feel adequately compensated for your work and are able to rest and live comfortably. This may look like asking for a raise, or a promotion. It may look like going into a different field of work, or it may look like becoming an entrepreneur of sorts to make your own money. Even if you have to take a step backwards first, like living with a roommate or taking out a loan, it may be worth it for your nervous system in the long run.
Whatever path you feel drawn to, know that life is not meant to be lived in scarcity. If you are struggling to make ends meet, try one of the suggestions above, but do not settle for less! I know it can feel so difficult to make a change, especially in survival mode, but you are not stuck under earning forever.
4. You’re living in the past.
Lastly, a way that might be keeping you in survival mode is that you’ve had a very difficult past to move on from. Yes, maybe some people had it worse, but I bet you’ve been through something that brought you a great deal of emotional distress that have kept your body locked in a survival response. Dealing with difficult situations and big feelings without much support can do a lot of wear and tear on the nervous system.
The best way I’ve learned to overcome this is by giving myself a lot of compassion and surrendering the big emotions to God (or higher power). If you know another way, please let me know!
Here is what that looks like for me: If I notice myself moving into a fight/flight/freeze/fawn response, I will bring some awareness to the fact that my state is changing. I allow the response to intensify in my body and try to keep my mind as still as possible. I breathe into the feeling (anger, sadness, frustration, injustice, feeling numb, etc.), and then put my hands on my heart and sway back and forth. Then, I say this prayer, “Please allow me to witness this emotion fully so then I can release it.” And then I allow the emotion to come up, and do my best to release it.
Sometimes it’s easier than other times. Sometimes I have to come back to it if my body is having a hard time letting go of any stored emotions.
Regardless, self compassion is key. The body is more likely to shift and return to a parasympathetic state when you are able to give yourself kindness and love, opposed to judgment and criticism.
If you’re like me and you’ve done the standard nervous system healing exercises but are still wondering why you’re in survival mode, I wonder if it’s one of these 4 reasons. I hope these helped you and inspired you to make a small change in your life so you can be more regulated, and ultimately, feel more like your true self.
